Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
