Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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