Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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