allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
