Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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