Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
