as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
