therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I forget how to act sober
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
