You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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