He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
NoShamevember. You game?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
