it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
