Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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