that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
