found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Less talking, more tequila
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
