i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
