i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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