Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
