i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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