I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She needs sedatives and a leash
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
as a side note pls kill me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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