So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
