Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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