It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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