The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
