So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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