we're chasing vodka with high fives
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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