Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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