the new term for farting is butt boxing.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
