I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize