I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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