i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
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