So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
