I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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