A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
