I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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