I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
