and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
