He uses pillows to masturbate.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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