Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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