Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
