If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
