She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
