Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
