i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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