I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
