under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
