If i come over, it means nothing
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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