Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
