yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
