I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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