Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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