I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
