you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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