it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
