Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have post one night stand depression
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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