Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
