an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
