He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
