Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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