Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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