Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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