Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
