i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
