help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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