bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
