you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
