Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
