i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
