I wanna passion pit in your ass
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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