so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
