Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
