woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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