Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
