My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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