So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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